Random, Arthur Dent's Daughter
by Tori Yuki Ichimura
Summary: Seriously, that's her name. Beware of Hitchhiker's Guide references and random obscurity brought on by the inability to sleep.


**Tori:** After about two in the morning, randomness becomes my favorite word and I replay the third episode of Battle Athletes until my roommates physically remove me from in front of my computer.

**Zashi & Hikaru: ***stomp down the hall, rolling up their sleeves*

**Kegawa: ***checks watch* Oh, they're a little late this morning…

**Hikaru: ***grabs Ke by the tail and boots him into next week*

**Zashi: ***to Hikaru* The poor thing was dreaming. *gestures to Tori* She keeps thinking people are actually reading these little ramblings…

**Hikaru: **Hm! Let's do her a favor and post this!

**2 AM RANDOMNESS!!!**

            Relena slammed the door shut behind her and leaned against it, taking a moment to catch her breath.

            "What's wrong, Relena-sama?" Quatre asked, sipping his tea. The other boys, perched precariously on sofa backs and chair arms looked up, mildly interested.

            "You (gulp) know that Fountain of Youth thing Tori fell into a while back? From Talon-kun's fic?" she gasped, clutching her stomach a little.

            "Yeah, what about it?" Duo frowned, much more interested in the paperback in his hands. On closer inspection, we see it is none other than Douglas Adams's "A Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy".

            "Duet just drank some of that water."

            "Oi, and what'd that do?"

            "It had something of a strange effect…" The boys seemed more than mildly interested now. "Instead of her body getting younger, her mind did."

            Everyone blinked a few times as they turned the thought over in their minds.

            "YOU MORONS! SHE'S A FIVE-YEAR-OLD IN A FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD'S BODY!"

            Ker-blinkies. 

A loud screech was heard outside, followed by what sounded like a metal-on-metal collision. Relena covered her face with her hands.

            "She's sitting in the front lawn making mud pies in the nude."

            "Oooooooh…" Their sudden comprehension was followed by a mad dash to the front door.

**Band**

****

            Duet twirled her mallets as she swayed her hips in time to the music, her eyes darting from her music to the suspended cymbal. Duo perched a little to her left, timpani sticks poised and ready to strike. Heero sat in front of them, playing his heart out on the trumpet while Trowa and Quatre played a counter-melody on the flute and violin, respectively. Wu Fei, an unfortunate victim of percussion assignments, juggled between the triangle and the tambourine. The rest of the band was seated in semi-circles, gathered around the conductor, Relena.

            As she raised her white gloved hands high above her head (high enough to expose her stomach a bit), the band dragged out it's last B flat, and with a swoop of her wand, she brought it to an impressive finale of a crescendo and cut off.

            They sat and waited for applause, but none came. When they looked up, all they saw were a couple of kids with cameras trying to shove a kid in the garbage can. Other than those disgraces to humanity, the gym was empty.

            "S'what we get for letting Duet play the cymbal part in The Tempest…" Heero frowned, rubbing his ears a bit. He turned around in his chair to see Duet sprawled out on the bleachers and a bent, battered and mutilated cymbal hat lying a good dozen feet away. The floor where the instrument had originally stood had been reduced to a blacked, smoldering hole, and Duo and Wu Fei who were in the percussion pit at the fatal moment were tangled in the curtain, twitching like there was no tomorrow.

            "I thought it would be a cool finale if the cymbal exploded at the end…"

            "Gratifying, but not cool…" Relena frowned, rolling her eyes. 

**Towels And The Meaning Of Life**

****

            "Have you ever just felt like plagiarizing a great book?" Duo yawned and rolled over to look at Quatre, who was lying next to him on the floor, watching TV.

            "Um, no, not really… Why do you ask?"

            "Well, I read this really super extraordinarily cool book, and I was thinking of all the ways it could apply to my daily life."

            "That's not plagiarism, Duo. It's called learning. Were you reading the _Chicken Soup For The Soul _books?"

            "Naw, _The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy_!" Quatre was about to protest, but Duo shot off faster than the words could leave his mouth.

            "THE MEANING OF LIFE IS 42 AND I MUST HAVE MY TOWEL!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" he cried as he ran out the front door with a fishbowl under his arm and a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster in his hand.

            "…" Quatre rolled back over and focused on the TV again. "The police'll catch him sooner or later…"

**Cheese Doodles**

            Duo danced happily around the room, one hand submerged in the bag of cheese doodles that his other hand was so graciously holding for him. "I ha~ve cheese  dooooodles! I ha~ve cheese dooooodles!" he sang before popping another one into his mouth.

            "I ha~ve Oooooreos! I ha~ve Oooooreos!" 

            "I ha~ve Chee~ips! I ha~ve Chee~ips!"

            "I ha~ve muuuuuffins! I ha~ve muuuuufins!"

            "I ha~ve ice creeeaaam! I ha~ve ice creeeaaam!"

            "I ha~ve a caaaaandy bar! I ha~ve a caaaaandy bar!" five distinct voices called back, daring him to challenge their omnipotent snacking powers.

            "I also ha~ve a soooooda!" Duo smirked and the owners of those five voices face-faulted.

~*~*~*~

**Tori: **It's pronounced Moooo-fins!

**Ke: **Um, Tori…?

**Tori: **And the Hitchhiker's Guide is one of the best books ever written! Thanks for referring them, Duo!!! I bought mine off the internet!

**Ke: ***peers out window* Tori, there are some people in white jackets outside. They want to know if you need your plants waxed…

**Tori: ***to Zashi and Hikaru* You called the Plant Waxers on me again!?


End file.
